Why Only One Wife
Today the organized churches mostly practice marriage as to be between one man and one woman. Why? In the Old Testament, multiple wives were taken by numerous individuals without rebuke from the Lord. Because of this, some may be confused by the single partner practice that is so embraced today. I believe this practice is Biblically correct, but I also had to look into it; guided by the Holy Spirit, of course!
As we look at the original “marriage” of Adam and Eve, we know that the Lord was creating a help meet for him (Adam). In meeting this need only one woman was formed. Wouldn’t more be better? Our perfectly wise God created it as it should be: a husband; one man, with a wife; one woman.
When Jesus was here in the flesh, His words reveal a direction to return to the original intent of God in creating marriage.
And he answered and said unto them, Have ye not read, that he which made them at the beginning made them male and female, And said, For this cause shall a man leave father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife: and they twain shall be one flesh? Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder. Matthew 19:4-6
Here Jesus repeats the term twain, which means two! Christ and the church as a bride are also used in comparison (see Ephesians 5). As we are to keep our eye “single” toward God spiritually, we are to have that type of commitment toward our “single” (only one) spouse.
Church leaders are also instructed to be the “husband of one wife.” This is part of leading by example; see I Timothy 3:2,12, and Titus 1:6.
So what was the deal with multiple wives and concubines, and why did God not condemn it? There are several examples I would like to look at.
First of all, not all men in the Old Testament had multiple wives. Isaac had only one, Joseph had only one. Moses had two listed, but it seems that it was likely just one at a time. He had wed Zipporah (Exodus 2), who was last mentioned in Exodus 18. Then he wed an Ethiopian woman later recorded in Numbers 12. Zipporah may have well been deceased, for there are no phrases found which would indicate more than one single wife at a time. Also remember the old age involved. Moses was 80 at the time he was used of God to lead Israel out of Egypt, and married nearly 40 years. We never are told Zipporah’s age. Yet if you combine these facts with the 40 year time in the wilderness, Zipporah could have been nearly 100 at the time of her death. Why would her death not be mentioned? Possibly for cursing Moses’ obedience to God in the circumcision back in Exodus 4. You don’t mess with God’s chosen, especially Moses! (see Numbers 12:5-8)
Job also had just one wife, as did many prophets. While God never encouraged more than one wife, allowance for it was indirectly given in Exodus 21:10. Jesus said that Moses had suffered some Jewish policies regarding marriage due to their hard hearts. That means God was “putting up with it” as well (Matthew 19:8). Now in our time, believers have the power of the Holy Spirit within them to strengthen for obedience.
Abraham married Sarah first, then Hagar. Later on he added more. Note: the term concubine is still a wife; but of inferior social standing.
As you know, serious confrontations arose between Sarah and Hagar. That hostility still exists today through Arab and Israeli descendants.
Jacob (who became Israel) had the sisters of Leah and Rachel to wife, and they each gave him a concubine! These also had serious disputes, which could have influenced Joseph to only have one wife. Isaac would have also been so persuaded by watching or hearing of Sarah and Hagar. My wife observed this possibility!
We see also a dispute between Hannah and Peninnah, the wives of Elkanah, in I Samuel chapter one. Each of these quarrels mentioned came over bearing children (bragging rights), and the perceived affection of their husband and subsequent worth to him.
Do you see a pattern? God is showing us that problems arise from this behavior! Multiple wives bring great strife, when our Heavenly Father wants us to have peace. “No man can serve two masters.”
Besides their being hard hearts, God may have allowed multiple wives temporarily for another reason—populating the earth. This was the earliest charge given to man, all the way back in Genesis chapter one! It would seem by now that we have well replenished and subdued the earth. So even though children are indeed a joyful blessing to believers, they are no longer essential for fulfilling the more temporary objectives of re-populating. Please note that God gave the reproductive ability to all of mankind—not only Christians.
And God blessed them, and God said unto them, Be fruitful, and multiply, and replenish the earth, and subdue it: and have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the fowl of the air, and over every living thing that moveth upon the earth. Genesis 1:28
The kings of Israel are another good example to consider. It was indeed normal practice for a king to have many wives. Please remember that God eventually yielded to Israel’s cry for a king, but He did not want to lead them that way; as the heathen nations which were around them. See I Samuel chapter twelve for a good part of the story.
Deuteronomy gives a prophecy and warning about a king taking many wives—this was foretold concerning Solomon.
When thou art come unto the land which the LORD thy God giveth thee, and shalt possess it, and shalt dwell therein, and shalt say, I will set a king over me, like as all the nations that are about me;… Neither shall he multiply wives to himself, that his heart turn not away: neither shall he greatly multiply to himself silver and gold. Deuteronomy 17:14…17
Solomon did not heed this warning through Moses, and we find the account reported in I Kings 11:1-10;
But king Solomon loved many strange women, together with the daughter of Pharaoh, women of the Moabites, Ammonites, Edomites, Zidonians, and Hittites: Of the nations concerning which the LORD said unto the children of Israel, Ye shall not go in to them, neither shall they come in unto you: for surely they will turn away your heart after their gods: Solomon clave unto these in love. And he had seven hundred wives, princesses, and three hundred concubines: and his wives turned away his heart. For it came to pass, when Solomon was old, that his wives turned away his heart after other gods: and his heart was not perfect with the LORD his God, as was the heart of David his father. For Solomon went after Ashtoreth the goddess of the Zidonians, and after Milcom the abomination of the Ammonites. And Solomon did evil in the sight of the LORD, and went not fully after the LORD, as did David his father. Then did Solomon build an high place for Chemosh, the abomination of Moab, in the hill that is before Jerusalem, and for Molech, the abomination of the children of Ammon. And likewise did he for all his strange wives, which burnt incense and sacrificed unto their gods. And the LORD was angry with Solomon, because his heart was turned from the LORD God of Israel, which had appeared unto him twice, And had commanded him concerning this thing, that he should not go after other gods: but he kept not that which the LORD commanded. I Kings 11:1-10
Yet even David had multiple wives, though we are not told the exact number. David is the “man after God’s own heart” whose only sin lay in the matter of Uriah the Hittite (I Kings 15:5). This was the adultery with Bathsheba, lies, and murder—but only at that single point in David’s life; and he was forgiven. With Solomon, his wives turned his heart away from God. David’s wives did not. Through prayer, I was shown one possible reason. God does not specifically tell us why David did not stumble in this matter.
Israel had requested a King, like the nations around them. One aspect of this was the multiple wives taken by these kings. When God agreed (reluctantly) to Israel’s cry, having multiple wives was a part of this arrangement. In other words, by agreeing to give them a king like the secular nations, God was also agreeing to the traditions and practices that went along with these kings.
Even with all things to consider, it is quite clear that today the Lord wants us to practice marriage as He created it to be. His patience and longsuffering toward us should not be confused with permission to do whatever we wish.
Salvation and godly living are impossible with mankind (Romans 3:10-12), but not with God through Christ Jesus (Mark 10:26,27).
Ye shall not do after all the things that we do here this day, every man whatsoever is right in his own eyes. Deuteronomy 12:8