The Mark of Divorce
Even from the beginning of Heed the Watchmen, I knew the day would come to teach about divorce. It is a painful topic for me, and most of you realize by now that I have been divorced.
There are quite a variety of stigmas placed upon divorce, from the severe to the casual. Many of the severe outlooks are descended through the Catholic Church; which really has no bearing on Biblical Christianity. Within Catholicism, marriage is called a sacrament. As such, those who marry and remain so are doing a work toward earning salvation! Any true follower of Christ knows that this is a heresy:
For by grace are ye saved through faith; and that not of yourselves: it is the gift of God: Not of works, lest any man should boast. Ephesians 2:8,9
Protestant regards for divorce vary, and all are vile; if they have been established outside of instruction from the Word of God. One church I was in would never allow a divorcee to preach or teach. Some conservative denominations will shun (expel) members if they divorce. Others will claim that a divorcee may never re-marry, because it will be adultery. There is also often a cry of “save the marriage at all cost!”—Which God never even remotely states in His Word.
There are many liberal evils as well. Churches consenting to divorce without giving Godly counsel or warning. Many divorces could be avoided if only the individuals were being counseled by God’s Word. This is yet another evidence of the famine of God’s Word (Amos 8:11,12); it has been rejected and cast away from nearly all organized churches, so why would the members adhere to it for instruction? Pastors are teaching relative truths not found anywhere in the Word of God (KJV only—see Word of God section). Yet this is what people want, and the Bible predicted it would be so:
For the time will come when they will not endure sound doctrine; but after their own lusts shall they heap to themselves teachers, having itching ears; And they shall turn away their ears from the truth, and shall be turned unto fables. II Timothy 4:3,4
As my first wife was leaving me, I was utterly devastated. Never did I think divorce could happen to us! It was a terrible reflection on Christ, and I went through periods of deeply hating myself because of it. In times like this, we really need the Word of God: we must know and believe every word, and be able to separate the truth from the “commandments of men.”
This people draweth nigh unto me with their mouth, and honoureth me with their lips; but their heart is far from me. But in vain they do worship me, teaching for doctrines the commandments of men. Matthew 15:8,9
It was indeed a pastor who introduced me to the greater teachings of the Bible concerning divorce. Yet even this man agreed with the idea of “save the marriage at all cost.” And as I was to discover, he believes we no longer have the true Word of God, but that it has been “lost”; and that only the spirit of the Word remains. How sad! I know he was taught this through Bible college and seminary, as are all who go that route! It is truly a miracle that God preserved me from this corruption, because it is so overwhelmingly taught and accepted.
This crisis time of divorce did lead me deeply into the Word of God, because it is the only source of real truth that any of us have. Far beyond the awkward and unbelieving instruction of this pastor, I found that God had much to say on the subject. Many individuals have been deeply hurt by the incorrect teachings of most organized churches. If you claim (or wish to) Jesus Christ as your savior and Lord, the Word of God needs to be your final authority.
All scripture is given by inspiration of God, and is profitable for doctrine, for reproof, for correction, for instruction in righteousness: That the man of God may be perfect, throughly furnished unto all good works. II Timothy 3:16,17
For the law was given by Moses, but grace and truth came by Jesus Christ. John 17:17
He that rejecteth me, and receiveth not my words, hath one that judgeth him: the word that I have spoken, the same shall judge him in the last day. John 12:48
And why call ye me, Lord, Lord, and do not the things which I say? Luke 6:46
The books of Matthew, Mark, and Luke each give an account of Jesus’ addressing of the subject briefly during His earthly ministry. Each account is valid and true; you cannot choose one and reject the others! That is because the Word of God is given through the Holy Ghost (II Peter 1:21), and these accounts of Jesus’ life were not moment-by-moment; but they came after the resurrection and ascension of Jesus into heaven. God wanted each account, even with slight variety, in conveying the truth to us!
Luke 16:18 is the shortest of the three overlapping accounts in the gospels. Not surprisingly, it is the one most used to severely condemn divorce and re-marriage! We will look at this verse shortly.
We must take time to note the context of what Jesus said about divorce. It was a response to the Jews in regard to the “Law of Moses.” The passages found in Matthew 19, Mark 10, and Luke 16 were in no way meant to be complete and comprehensive teachings about divorce. For that we need the whole Bible! Jesus responded here to the Jews; He later used Paul to further teach on the subject to the Gentiles. Direct teaching about divorce is somewhat limited, but thorough. There are also many indirect teachings which are also quite inclusive of the divorce circumstances. As you study the Word, the Holy Spirit will bring understanding (I John 2:27).
Whosoever putteth away his wife, and marrieth another, committeth adultery: and whosoever marrieth her that is put away from her husband committeth adultery. Luke 16:18
In this verse, we are told in simplicity about the common sin that accompanies divorce: adultery. It is a stern warning to the Pharisees about improper divorce. How do I know Jesus means improper divorce? From the rest of scripture! Even then, Jewish men were allowed to issue a divorce as they chose, for any cause (Both men and women do that today!). This was wrong in God’s eyes, and He tells them so! Careful examination of motives before God is required: we should fear the Lord in this.
More specifics on marriage/divorce are found as we move on to Mark chapter ten.
And the Pharisees came to him, and asked him, Is it lawful for a man to put away his wife? tempting him. And he answered and said unto them, What did Moses command you? And they said, Moses suffered to write a bill of divorcement, and to put her away. Mark 10:2-4
These verses show the context of what Jesus was about to say—to the Jews first. It also shows how casually divorce had come to be regarded among God’s people (Like today?).
And Jesus answered and said unto them, For the hardness of your heart he wrote you this precept. But from the beginning of the creation God made them male and female. For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and cleave to his wife; And they twain shall be one flesh: so then they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder. Mark 10:5-9
These verses are very important. It shows the intent of God in marriage, and that He deliberately created it. It shows that marriage is between a male and female (not homosexual), and that it is monogamous (only one spouse). He also declares that the married couple are now one flesh: therefore they are no longer “individuals.”
Finally, it says that since marriage is a joining because of God, that man should not split it apart. It does not say that obedience to God will not lead to divorce. While I would be comfortable declaring that our Lord does not desire divorce, it would also be wrong to say that He hasn’t allowed for it in His Word; under certain conditions. Most of the world does not serve Jesus; and churches are filled with professing, yet disobedient “Christians.” The devil makes it a point to attack families, and marriages were not given the privilege of immunity. So verse nine’s direction to “let not man put asunder;” does not mean that it will never happen, or that it can’t be correct in God’s eyes. Far and away, the vast majority of divorces are evil in God’s eyes. Every man’s way is right in his own eyes (Proverbs 21:2); but we need to be certain that we are truly submitted to God’s will. This we will know by self-examination according to the Word.
And in the house his disciples asked him again of the same matter. And he saith unto them, Whosoever shall put away his wife, and marry another, committeth adultery against her. And if a woman shall put away her husband, and be married to another, she committeth adultery. Mark 10:10-12
In this last section of the passage in Mark, the responsibility for the divorce brings sin to the person causing it. The party who was divorced, having no control over what their spouse chose, is not held accountable because of it. This is consistent with “every man will bear his own sin” (Deuteronomy 24:16, Revelation 20:13).
Matthew 19:3-8 is almost identical to Mark 10:2-12. However when we get to verse nine, one key difference is added: the phrase “except it be for fornication.” This would be marital unfaithfulness, sexually. In such a case, the betrayed spouse is free to leave without accountability (Matthew 5:31,32 echoes these verses). It is not said that they must divorce—but that they are justified to do so. Divorce may be a way of escape, however, in avoiding other sins…
As I came into my wife’s church, I became aware of a young woman (I will call her Mary) whose husband had committed adultery. She may have chosen to “forgive and forget” for the sake of her children—but in this case the other female involved was underage legally to have consensual sex. Mary’s husband wound up being imprisoned for many years (seven or so) because of it.
The church involved here virtually worships family and children! Her advice direction from them was only to “stick it out” and “bear with it.” In doing such a thing, the church stole the way of escape promised her in I Corinthians 10:13;
There hath no temptation taken you but such as is common to man: but God is faithful, who will not suffer you to be tempted above that ye are able; but will with the temptation also make a way to escape, that ye may be able to bear it. I Corinthians 10:13
It may have been alright to propose staying as an option; but the entirety of God’s Word was neglected.
Human sex drives are very strong, and that is how we were created. I Corinthians 7:2-4 speaks to that “force,” and that we are even to marry to avoid the sin of fornication!
Nevertheless, to avoid fornication, let every man have his own wife, and let every woman have her own husband. Let the husband render unto the wife due benevolence: and likewise also the wife unto the husband. The wife hath not power of her own body, but the husband: and likewise also the husband hath not power of his own body, but the wife. I Corinthians 7:2-4
Eventually, this woman fell into an affair that was in no way good or godly; this man was even harmful to her children. She could no longer bear the stress of such loneliness, imposed by those who profess to follow Christ and love His Word! These were indeed only the “commandments of men” which she was told to follow (Her fall came after approximately five years alone).
So I will again point out that the gospels represent Christ’s response to the Pharisees, in regard to their practices and laws concerning divorce. To be more complete in considering this topic, we need to look at I Corinthians chapter seven. Here we find the directions which are being given to the early church.
And unto the married I command, yet not I, but the Lord, Let not the wife depart from her husband: But and if she depart, let her remain unmarried or be reconciled to her husband: and let not the husband put away his wife. But to the rest speak I, not the Lord: If any brother hath a wife that believeth not, and she be pleased to dwell with him, let him not put her away. And the woman which hath an husband that believeth not, and if he be pleased to dwell with her, let her not leave him. For the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the husband: else were your children unclean; but now are they holy. I Corinthians 7:10-14
These verses address true believers and the unbelieving alike. While some possibility is given for divorce, that person is to remain unmarried or return to their spouse. Yet the overall message of these verses is clear: if you are married, stay married. Once one has been married, and has known that intimacy in a relationship, it is supremely natural to seek it out again. Sexual drives are accustomed to having a “release,” and are very powerful. Combine that with the everyday partnership and closeness you are used to, and avoiding another relationship of the like becomes nearly impossible. So if you are married, do not keep looking for a way out—ask the Lord to help you stay.
But if the unbelieving depart, let him depart. A brother or a sister is not under bondage in such cases: but God hath called us to peace. For what knowest thou, O wife, whether thou shalt save thy husband? or how knowest thou, O man, whether thou shalt save thy wife? But as God hath distributed to every man, as the Lord hath called every one, so let him walk. And so ordain I in all churches. I Corinthians 7:15-17
Here we come to the second clearly listed legitimate reason for divorce: abandonment. As we have seen from the previous scriptures, true Christians generally will not initiate the breakup of a marriage. Yet Satan is wickedly devious, and sometimes forces even that undesirable situation. Jesus told us that we can also know them by their fruit: not merely by what they proclaim about themselves!
A good tree cannot bring forth evil fruit, neither can a corrupt tree bring forth good fruit…Wherefore by their fruits ye shall know them. Not every one that saith unto me, Lord, Lord, shall enter into the kingdom of heaven; but he that doeth the will of my Father which is in heaven. Many will say to me in that day, Lord, Lord, have we not prophesied in thy name? and in thy name have cast out devils? and in thy name done many wonderful works? And then will I profess unto them, I never knew you: depart from me, ye that work iniquity. Matthew 7:18…20-23
This was indeed my own situation. When seeking a wife I looked within an organized church at one who called herself “Christian.” Over time I saw that this was not so, in many ways. Jesus said that he which is unjust in the least is unjust also in much (Luke 16:10). So then the worst of it came as the devil used her to destroy our home and family—and myself, in many ways.
These were hard truths to accept. After about a four month period of attempted reconciliation (all initiated by me and refused by her), God declared an end to it. The instruction to “let them depart” is given to the believer! God was even so merciful as to give me a sign to confirm that direction.
Nearly every divorcee blames the other for the failure. Yet I will gladly admit that I am only a sinner saved by grace, and will have struggles as long as I am here in the flesh (Romans 7). Imperfections were (and still are) plentiful in me; but nothing that most would consider “worthy” of divorce. She even admitted this truth to me privately; but to others she would lie in order to justify herself. Her leaving was also encouraged by church leadership, as they were wanting to rid themselves of me. This is what happens when you stand up for the Lord, and especially when you oppose the Catholic Church, and unity with it. The Bible tells us these things, but it is still extremely distressing to experience.
Hear the word of the LORD, ye that tremble at his word; Your brethren that hated you, that cast you out for my name's sake, said, Let the LORD be glorified: but he shall appear to your joy, and they shall be ashamed. Isaiah 66:5
Getting back to I Corinthians 7; verse 17 strongly implies that there may be reasons to divorce other than infidelity and abandonment. If we are to walk as the Lord calls us, it simply may not be possible to prove to everyone that our reasoning is valid. Unfortunately the opposite is most often true: any reason given is accepted, and the people are not challenged to obey the Lord in their marriages! Closely observing such individuals will reveal them by their “fruit.” You can also tell by the reactions given when pointing to the Word of God! Many is the time I have received hatred from those professing Christ, when holding up the Word of God in authority!
There are also those disobedient to God with seemingly noble reasoning. One man I knew had been divorced for fourteen years: yet he refused to re-marry, convinced that someday she would return. But God had told him to let go! He is denying the Word (Jesus) on numerous levels, and perhaps trying to atone for past sins by punishing himself. The work of Jesus on the cross is the only work that counts toward sin atonement! Please note: according to this same chapter (I Corinthians 7), this man could have been called by God to not re-marry; that was not the reasoning being employed, however. More on that later.
Though verse 17 implies other reasons for divorce, why does it not suggest anything specifically? I can think of two possibilities; (1) There are too many varieties of possibilities to name them all, and (2) People would try to assert that the list addresses their situation—twisting the truth to make it fit.
Every way of a man is right in his own eyes: but the LORD pondereth the hearts. Proverbs 21:2
There is a way which seemeth right unto a man, but the end thereof are the ways of death. Proverbs 14:12
The backslider in heart shall be filled with his own ways: and a good man shall be satisfied from himself. Proverbs 14:14
The truth is that most never look deep enough into what will save their marriage from a Biblical point of view. Yes, there may be ways to save it that actually deny the Lordship of Christ, and the Bible’s instructions.
Jesus said that if we want to come after Him, we are to first deny ourselves (Matthew 16:24). Luke 9:23 then says we are to take up our cross daily. Such self-denial is far from the heart of mankind in these last days; even in the organized churches. I refer again to II Timothy chapter four as testimony. But also look now at this description of mankind in the last days.
This know also, that in the last days perilous times shall come. For men shall be lovers of their own selves, covetous, boasters, proud, blasphemers, disobedient to parents, unthankful, unholy, Without natural affection, trucebreakers, false accusers, incontinent, fierce, despisers of those that are good, Traitors, heady, highminded, lovers of pleasures more than lovers of God; Having a form of godliness, but denying the power thereof: from such turn away. II Timothy 3:1-5
God has ordained how a family is to function. The husband is to be the head, in the one-flesh union of marriage. Please be patient with me as I explain from the Word of God. I cannot speak to the specifics of every situation here in America. I am also aware that things are quite different from nation to nation, yet my perspective speaks mostly to what I see here in my homeland. Read with prayer, and let the Holy Ghost lead you into applications for your life.
Next month we will look more into the Role of Women in the Lord, as God shows us in the Bible. We will see that main issue to deal with is not about superiority or inferiority, but one of authority. This issue raises its head even now, concerning family relationships that will lead to divorce when not corrected.
In my nation, women’s rights and feelings are often put ahead of the men. I suspect that this evil started out with good intentions—truth mixed with a lie. 100 years ago women could not even vote here, and were often discriminated against only because of their gender. This wrong needed to be corrected! But now it has gone too far, where fair actions are often passed by so as not to offend women. I have been a firsthand recipient of discrimination that favors women!
One result of this process for “equal rights” is the mix-up of authority in the home. Men who should stand up for the Lord and lead their home are often apathetic (uncaring) about what happens or how. They have fallen into what was warned of in Luke 21:34-36;
And take heed to yourselves, lest at any time your hearts be overcharged with surfeiting, and drunkenness, and cares of this life, and so that day come upon you unawares. For as a snare shall it come on all them that dwell on the face of the whole earth. Watch ye therefore, and pray always, that ye may be accounted worthy to escape all these things that shall come to pass, and to stand before the Son of man. Luke 21:34-36
Sometimes the man may be afraid of being accused in spousal or child abuse; this is not a valid reason for disobeying the Lord, no matter the discomfort or the perception of others. Each individual, every single person, is called upon to follow Jesus Christ in every facet of our lives. We have no control over another’s life, only our own. Determine ahead of time to seek and serve the Lord no matter what!
Women also often usurp authority in the home (I Timothy 2:12). Many times they attempt to justify this sin; claiming it to be the man’s fault for his bad choices or disobedience. Remember that a “Kingdom divided against itself will not stand” (see Matthew 12:26). Therefore, God will never instruct you to violate His Word to bring about righteousness!
So what is Jesus’ (the Word) instruction regarding the home? Let us look to Ephesians chapter five as a basis.
Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body. Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing. Ephesians 5:22-24
Pretty strong and straightforward, isn’t it? This is not slavery, but submission. Even Jesus is submitted in authority to God the Father. Make your husband the leader in your home. Ask for his leading and opinions. If he initially says things like, “I don’t care—you decide;” gently ask again, telling him that you want him to lead your home according to God’s Word. This can take much prayer and patience, for many men have grown accustomed to the home authority being reversed, or otherwise incorrect. Don’t be afraid of the outcome! Jesus needs to be the Lord of every area in our lives, and it must start somewhere. Many, if not most decisions in the home will come to be discussed and arrived at by your mutual agreement. But at times the man may have to stand on a decision he knows to be right, whether or not you both agree.
It is the same way between us and our Lord Jesus. He uses us each uniquely as we were created. He listens to our concerns and desires, and gave us this promise:
If ye abide in me, and my words abide in you, ye shall ask what ye will, and it shall be done unto you. John 15:7
He calls us “friends;” but a friendship with God is not the same as with an ordinary person. It is a qualified friendship, defined in John 15:14. “Ye are my friends, if ye do whatsoever I command you.”
The next verses in Ephesians 5 are just as important for the men.
Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it; That he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word, That he might present it to himself a glorious church, not having spot, or wrinkle, or any such thing; but that it should be holy and without blemish. So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself. Ephesians 5:25-28
To love your wife as Christ loved the church, giving Himself for it, is saying a lot. We know that God has been patient and longsuffering with us in a way more vast than we can comprehend.
Still, this love is referenced according to the Word (v. 26) and requires holiness! In other words, the “love of Christ” that we are to have for our wives is not permissive in all things: it is gentle and patient, yet insistent in regard to observing to do all that God instructs us to.
If we men are to head the home as Christ heads the church, we then have a great responsibility to humbly and fervently seek the Lord for His guidance in directing our families. We need to let Christ lead through us. Verse 28 shows us that when we love our wives as we should, we are also loving ourselves. Remember? The two are one flesh (again in v. 31); what affects one moves the other, and so it should be.
This section’s summary may be found at the end of the chapter in verse 33;
Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife see that she reverence her husband. Ephesians 5:33
If either man or woman is neglecting to obey God in their marital relationship, things will become strained—and end, if both parties do not submit to the Lord. Each of you individually is accountable to obey God in your role. Are you doing your part? Give God a chance to heal that strain—go to the Lord, and pray this prayer sent forth through King David:
Search me, O God, and know my heart: try me, and know my thoughts: And see if there be any wicked way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting. Psalms 139:23-24
Looking now again at I Corinthians 7, we find a number of verses which seem to advocate remaining unmarried or not re-marrying. Repeatedly in the chapter we are shown the unmarried advantage in service to the Lord—but also shown that it is good to marry! So what should it be?
It is unfortunate that many try to live single lives for the Lord based on such verses. In reality, only a very few are actually called to do it; and most attempting to do it are trying on their own power without God’s calling. The overwhelming instruction and expectation from the Word is that we will marry.
The roles of men and women are quickly established in Genesis.
And the LORD God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him. Genesis 2:18
At a time when God directly walked with Adam, He still knew that Adam needed a helper. God makes it a point to show how much in need Adam was, before the creation of his wife. This is the union of marriage that God made from our beginnings; instructing us also to fill the earth (reproduce); which is only done rightly through marriage. We were also created with the physical and emotional drives that lead to marriage. These powerful truths from the time of creation speak volumes. Over time it becomes clear that unmarried individuals are used greatly by the Lord at times. But these instances are quite infrequent. Even our Savior arrived from within the God-fearing marriage of Joseph and Mary; His earthly lineage also being brought forth of obedient, Godly marriages.
Through Solomon, the wisest man ever, Jesus says;
Whoso findeth a wife findeth a good thing, and obtaineth favour of the LORD. Proverbs 18:22
Proverbs 31:10-31 gives a description of a virtuous woman. Marriage is at the very forefront: “The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her…” (verse 11a) Ecclesiastes 4:9-10 also touts benefits that are most often (naturally) fulfilled through marriage.
Two are better than one; because they have a good reward for their labour. For if they fall, the one will lift up his fellow: but woe to him that is alone when he falleth; for he hath not another to help him up. Ecclesiastes 4:9-10
As we look again at Matthew 19, Jesus’ disciples have reached a conclusion similar to that of Paul (same Holy Spirit), though for an apparently different reason.
His disciples say unto him, If the case of the man be so with his wife, it is not good to marry. But he said unto them, All men cannot receive this saying, save they to whom it is given. Matthew 19:10-11
Our Lord plainly shows us that to remain unmarried must be given to the individual; they do not choose it freely. Verse 12 ends by repeating this qualification another way; “…He that is able to receive it, let him receive it.”
Church leaders are instructed to marry in I Timothy 3:2,12, and Titus 1:6. It must be important! Being married greatly reduces temptation, and gives the minister help in counseling women. A man and woman alone, sharing intimate thoughts, is a bad idea! The emotional bond can easily become physical and sin will be at your door. Yet to follow our Lord’s instruction is to know that there is a way of escape provided (I Corinthians 10:13) for us to take. It is also interesting to note that Jesus used Paul to write all these verses—the ones instructing marriage, and the ones that suggest remaining unmarried is better! God has a place for all of it, which is why we must read the entire Word to gain clarity on the subject.
Let us look back at I Corinthians 7, and we will see that to remain unmarried (or not re-marry) is a suggested possibility; not an outright command.
Verse one states that “it is good for a man not to touch a woman.”
Verse two says that we should marry to “avoid fornication.”
Verses three – five show the importance of sexual relations when there is a physical need/desire on the behalf of your partner.
In verse seven Paul says he wishes that all men were like him; but that God has different gifts for each person.
Verse eight encourages those “singles” to remain single.
Verse nine warns that if “they cannot contain” (sexual restraint) they should marry!
Verses 10-17 deal with marriage and divorce.
Verses 18 and 19 instruct us to follow our calling and keep the commandments of God.
Verse twenty is a near duplicate of twenty-four.
Brethren, let every man, wherein he is called, therein abide with God. I Corinthians 7:24
Verses 21 and 22 further explain about abiding in God’s calling.
Verses 25-27 tout the benefits of remaining a virgin; and also advise not to re-marry.
Verse 28 says that marriage (and re-marriage; supported by passage content) is no sin; but that one will be more bound in the flesh that way.
Verses 29-31 tell all (single or married) to be sold out to the Lord in their lives because time is short, and the world is passing away.
Verses 32-35 again speak of the benefits of being unmarried in respect to serving the Lord. Families are a major distraction, aren’t they?
Verse 36 also re-states the truths in verses 2 and 9; that marriage is better than sexual sin.
Verse 37 goes back to commending the unmarried.
Verses 39 and 40 say again that either marriage, or restraint from marriage is O.K.; but to be unmarried is better.
Verse 38 is near the chapter’s end and I think it gives well the summary of this subject.
So then he that giveth her in marriage doeth well; but he that giveth her not in marriage doeth better. I Corinthians 7:38
So what does this chapter mean? As we have seen in the rest of scripture, marriage is good and created by God. It is even instructed for leaders in the church. Why spend so much time outlining the benefits of serving the Lord without marrying?
We must first remember that this scripture came as a letter to the church at Corinth; while the instruction is certainly for every believer, the issues of marriage/divorce/re-marriage/widowhood were questions within this church (and many today!).
As we get into the New Testament (the beginning of the last days), it seems there is even a shift away from the importance of having children. This is, of course, a main function of marriage! There is still great emphasis given through verses like I Timothy 5:14;
I will therefore that the younger women marry, bear children, guide the house, give none occasion to the adversary to speak reproachfully. I Timothy 5:14
Yet in the Old Testament childbearing was everything, and a clear indication of God’s favor upon a woman. We see one such example with Hannah in I Samuel. She had been barren, but vowed to the Lord in 1:11;
And she vowed a vow, and said, O LORD of hosts, if thou wilt indeed look on the affliction of thine handmaid, and remember me, and not forget thine handmaid, but wilt give unto thine handmaid a man child, then I will give him unto the LORD all the days of his life, and there shall no razor come upon his head. I Samuel 1:11
God answered her prayers and she fulfilled those vows in 1:27,28;
For this child I prayed; and the LORD hath given me my petition which I asked of him: Therefore also I have lent him to the LORD; as long as he liveth he shall be lent to the LORD. And he worshipped the LORD there. I Samuel 1:27,28
Hannah was then blessed with more children (Please see our article, The Role of Women).
And Eli blessed Elkanah and his wife, and said, The LORD give thee seed of this woman for the loan which is lent to the LORD. And they went unto their own home. And the LORD visited Hannah, so that she conceived, and bare three sons and two daughters. And the child Samuel grew before the LORD. I Samuel 2:20,21
There was also a great woman (never by name) without children, who was very kind to Elisha. In II Kings 4:16,17, she is rewarded by having a son—though she did not ask. Such examples exist throughout the Old Testament, but the New Testament starts to change emphasis.
In Luke 8:21 Jesus says that His brethren (not blood relatives) are “these which hear the Word of God, and do it.” Later, in 11:27, a woman raised her voice to bless Jesus’ mother. But Jesus responded,
But he said, Yea rather, blessed are they that hear the word of God, and keep it. Luke 11:28
The priority of obedience over family is seen again in Luke 14:26;
If any man come to me, and hate not his father, and mother, and wife, and children, and brethren, and sisters, yea, and his own life also, he cannot be my disciple. Luke 14:26
As Jesus was being led away to crucifixion, He spoke this in regard to the last days;
For, behold, the days are coming, in the which they shall say, Blessed are the barren, and the wombs that never bare, and the paps which never gave suck. Luke 23:29
Revelation 14:1-5 also speaks of the 144,000 male virgins who follow the Lamb (Christ) during the days of great tribulation. These were chosen by God; it was not of themselves to remain virgins.
So we see that while God chooses and uses unmarried men and women, it is not the way in which we were created. God also uses married leaders and families to further His cause. The vast majority of people, likely 95% or more, will wed. This includes those who re-marry after divorce. But if God calls you to remain unmarried whether it is for a certain period of time or lifelong, do not be pressured into finding a spouse. There are plenty of sects around that virtually worship family and having children. There are many in my home area! Whichever way you are led by the Lord, stick with it!
Ye are bought with a price; be not ye the servants of men. Brethren, let every man, wherein he is called, therein abide with God. I Corinthians 23,24
In considering these truths, I knew I needed a Godly wife—but wanted to serve the Lord with my whole life. I prayed fervently that He would bring me such a like-minded partner, and He has! We both love and embrace the instruction from I Corinthians 7:29;
But this I say, brethren, the time is short: it remaineth, that both they that have wives be as though they had none; I Corinthians 7:29
Much has been so hurtfully misunderstood about divorce. Yet the Bible shows that it will happen even to believers, and gives us guidelines. What better way could there be for the devil to attack, than through close family? A believer may choose not to divorce, but the spouse must agree—one cannot choose for the other, and we do not account to God for another’s choices.
Over the years I’ve met those who use Luke 16:18 alone, saying that re-marriage will be sin through consistent “adultery” (marital relations). Many also feel comfortable with short-term sexual relations outside of marriage. Somehow they think this is forgivable, but re-marriage is not! Satan is a master deceiver.
My big question is, WHAT ABOUT GOD’S GRACE?!? Why do so many who profess Christ seem to think that even proper divorce and re-marriage is an unforgivable sin? Or that they must somehow atone for it by their works?
Guilt is huge for the divorcee who did not instigate the separation. Were they responsible for their spouse’s infidelity or leaving? Are they terrible because things couldn’t be worked out? True believers often have deeper such feelings; we love the Lord greatly, and want to please Him in all that we do (I Corinthians 10:31).
Let us read again I Corinthians 7:15;
But if the unbelieving depart, let him depart. A brother or a sister is not under bondage in such cases: but God hath called us to peace. I Corinthians 7:15
These instructions are to the believer! Let them depart—do not hold on for years on end; going through endless efforts to reunite, and perhaps countless counseling sessions. If the unbelieving depart, let him depart. It is not possible for a married couple to work things out singly; then come together. It is altogether different to live as a single, or live as a couple. When you are married, you are no longer individuals; you are one flesh (Matthew 19:6). If it is time to move on, do so! Ask for God’s help with this; I myself stumbled very badly. The life-long commitment of marriage was very real in my heart; but she had left and would not return. It is very painful, but our lives need to be founded in Christ Jesus—and we cannot choose life for someone else, when they refuse it. We need to continue on in life, being perfected day by day in the Lord.
“Not as though I had already attained, either were already perfect…but this one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind, and reaching forth unto those which are before, I press toward the mark for the prize of the high calling of God in Christ Jesus.”—found in Philippians 3:12-14.
If you have been divorced (or are headed there) for any reason, do seek the Lord deeply. Then ask Him for forgiveness, cleansing, and healing through the blood of Jesus.
If my people, which are called by my name, shall humble themselves, and pray, and seek my face, and turn from their wicked ways; then will I hear from heaven, and will forgive their sin, and will heal their land. II Chronicles 7:14
Bless the LORD, O my soul, and forget not all his benefits: Who forgiveth all thine iniquities; who healeth all thy diseases; Who redeemeth thy life from destruction; who crowneth thee with lovingkindness and tender mercies;… The LORD is merciful and gracious, slow to anger, and plenteous in mercy. He will not always chide: neither will he keep his anger for ever. He hath not dealt with us after our sins; nor rewarded us according to our iniquities. For as the heaven is high above the earth, so great is his mercy toward them that fear him. As far as the east is from the west, so far hath he removed our transgressions from us. Like as a father pitieth his children, so the LORD pitieth them that fear him. For he knoweth our frame; he remembereth that we are dust. Psalms 103:2-4…8-14
Surely he hath borne our griefs, and carried our sorrows: yet we did esteem him stricken, smitten of God, and afflicted. But he was wounded for our transgressions, he was bruised for our iniquities: the chastisement of our peace was upon him; and with his stripes we are healed. All we like sheep have gone astray; we have turned every one to his own way; and the LORD hath laid on him the iniquity of us all. Isaiah 53:4-6
For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life. John 3:16
Therefore being justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ: By whom also we have access by faith into this grace wherein we stand, and rejoice in hope of the glory of God. And not only so, but we glory in tribulations also: knowing that tribulation worketh patience; And patience, experience; and experience, hope: And hope maketh not ashamed; because the love of God is shed abroad in our hearts by the Holy Ghost which is given unto us. For when we were yet without strength, in due time Christ died for the ungodly. For scarcely for a righteous man will one die: yet peradventure for a good man some would even dare to die. But God commendeth his love toward us, in that, while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us. Much more then, being now justified by his blood, we shall be saved from wrath through him. For if, when we were enemies, we were reconciled to God by the death of his Son, much more, being reconciled, we shall be saved by his life. Romans 5:1-10
For the wages of sin is death; but the gift of God is eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord. Romans 6:23
For whosoever shall call upon the name of the Lord shall be saved. Romans 10:13
If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. I John 1:9
As children of God (adopted through faith in Jesus Christ), we need to be founded upon the rock of His truth; the Word of God.
Therefore whosoever heareth these sayings of mine, and doeth them, I will liken him unto a wise man, which built his house upon a rock: And the rain descended, and the floods came, and the winds blew, and beat upon that house; and it fell not: for it was founded upon a rock. Matthew 7:24,25
Jesus saith unto him, I am the way, the truth, and the life: no man cometh unto the Father, but by me. John 14:6
Sanctify them through thy truth: thy word is truth. John 17:17
Do not let the opinions of others, or even church doctrines hold sway over you—if they are the commandments of men, not based on God’s Word. Every person alive could only be justified by grace, and not their “good” works. We are being perfected in Christ, but we will always fall short here in the flesh.
For by grace are ye saved through faith; and that not of yourselves: it is the gift of God: Not of works, lest any man should boast. Ephesians 2:8,9
But we have this treasure in earthen vessels, that the excellency of the power may be of God, and not of us. II Corinthians 4:7
Pin all of your hope, the power source of your existence, on the merciful truths given in God’s Word. Through them you will find eternal life, and be free.
These things I have spoken unto you, that in me ye might have peace. In the world ye shall have tribulation: but be of good cheer; I have overcome the world. John 16:33
Then said Jesus to those Jews which believed on him, If ye continue in my word, then are ye my disciples indeed; And ye shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free. John 8:31,32
WARNING: To avoid Satan’s snares and deceptions, return to the pure Word of God; which is the King James Bible. Revised translations are not small word alterations meant to bring clarity! Major doctrinal changes have occurred, which will tend to bring doubt and destroy your faith. To follow these new “versions” of the truth, is to build your spiritual house upon sand, and become as the ones reflected in Matthew 7:21-23. Please use this entire passage, Matthew 7:21-27.
Satan means to deceive you into sincerely following his alternate “truth.” You are really being set up to fall, and serve the antichrist.
Pray and seek God diligently in this matter; for time is short. See also our Word of God section and the section on A Sure Salvation vs. Eternal Security.